Hilarious Blonde Jokes
Here are some dumb blond jokes from the book ‘100% Blonde Jokes‘.
Non-Stop Flight On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.” After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot said, “Let me try.” He went up to the blonde and politely tried to explain to her why she needed to return to her seat in economy class. But the blonde only replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.” Frustrated, the co-pilot returned to the cockpit. He suggested that perhaps they should have the airline call the police and have her arrested when they land. “Wait a minute,” said the pilot. “Did you say she’s blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde.” So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear. “I’m sorry,” said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class. “What did you say to her?” ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot. To which the pilot replied, “I just told her that first class isn’t going to Chicago.”
How Do I Get Across That River? A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her. “How can I get to the other side of the river?” she shouts loudly. The other blonde replied “What for? You are already on the other side of the river!”
Blonde Shoots Herself A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?” “No, Silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.” “And then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “And then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Speeding Ticket A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over. The policeman walks up to the blonde and says “Excuse m’am, could I please see your driving license and registration.” The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
Blonde Interview A blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. “So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?” The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying “Ehhhh… 22!” The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?” The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces “Five foot two!” This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won’t have to count, measure, or look up. “Just to confirm for our records, your name please?” The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “MANDY!” The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks “What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?” “Ohhhh, that!” replies the airhead, “I was just running through that song – ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear…
Read more blonde jokes from the best blonde jokes book ever: 100% Blonde Jokes. Find more now!
Cool Blonde Jokes
Q. Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A. She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor? A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.
Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade.
Q: What is the blonde’s highest ambition in life? A: They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What are the six worst years in a blonde’s life. A: Third grade.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet? A: She was last years hide and seek winner.
Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn’t they get in? A: The sign said “must be 18 to enter”.
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes? A: Because blondes would have to think them up.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes? A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block.
Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water? A: A blonde trying to put it out.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee’
Q: Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand? A: So brunettes can understand them.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A. She kept having affairs with men!
Q. Why couldn’t the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A. She didn’t know what ONE came first…
Whant more blonde jokes? Here are 100s more blonde joke and great blonde jokes.
Clean Dumb Blonde Jokes
Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? A: It is the one with the kickstand.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? A: Tell her a joke on Monday!
Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane? A: Hide her Hair Dryer.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why cant blondes make ice cubes? A: Because they don’t have the recipe!
Q: How do you drown a blond? A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q. Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens? A. They couldn’t find their eraser.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They’re too hard to peel.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading.
Q: Why don’t blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people’s words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a flash light in her ears.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Whant more blonde jokes? Here are 100s more best blonde jokes and great blonde jokes.
